I was asked by my fabulous friend Jill to speak at her Pink Party! The idea was 10 things that will change your life in 10 minutes. This is a recap of what we covered!
You're ok. You are actually more than ok. You're enough. Someone once told you, somewhere along the way, that you weren't. Identify that story and decide today if it still works for you or not. Give yourself permission to say, "I choose to no longer believe that story." Then, stop living your life by that story. If you made up the story, fire the itty bitty shitty committee in your head. Trust your gut. Pick up a new pen and write your own story.
It's ok to change and grow! Not the same person you were when you got married 20 years ago? That's ok. No longer like your job? That's ok. No clue who you are once your kids left the house? That's ok. If you just decided that you don't want to follow your former storyline, it's ok to change the story and change the way you live to what makes sense for you, now.
Two things can be true at the same time. It's called a both/and. Your husband can both be an idiot and also really smart about some things. Your Mom could have both done some awful things to you and also taught you some great life lessons. You can both be mad at your friend and also love them. You can think someone's opinion about one thing is completely ridiculous while their opinion on other things is great.
Self-care isn't selfish. Do what you want for the first hour of your day. That way, at the end of the day, you aren't too tired for the things you enjoy because you've given your all to everyone else first. Fill your cup first and give from the overflow. They tell you to put on your airplane mask first for a reason.
Change your relationship with these 4 words: No, Just, Should and Sorry. No is a full sentence. Let's try it. "Do you want to help me move today?" "No." Try to eliminate the word just. "I'm just checking in on my raise." or "I am checking in on the status of my raise." If you can't replace the word "Should" with "Want", don't do it. Example: "I should go to lunch with her because she asked me to." Say "no" or "no, thank you," and then go do something you want to do. Then ask yourself, what happens if you don't do the "should." Only use sorry when you are truly sorry. Saying you're sorry too often makes the real apology lose its value. Try using pardon me, excuse me, or the truth instead. You can keep the peace around you, or you can keep the peace within you. Your choice.
Speak up. People can't read your mind, no matter how obvious it seems. If you find yourself saying, "How could they not see that?!? It's so obvious!" Chances are it isn't obvious to them and you need to speak up and ask for what you want. You can't get mad at people for not giving you what you want when you don't even know what you want. By the time you're pissed and yell at your spouse, it's on you because you didn't speak up when it was just mildly annoying.
Don't wait on your weight. Don't wait until you're at your goal weight to ask that person out, start a new career, go on that trip, wear the bikini, or start your own business. When you do the thing you've been avoiding by feeling worthy, you'll feel happy and the weight will come off. Forgive yourself and more weight will come off!
It's not his job or your job to do the dishes. It's the person's job who has the most bandwidth that day. Some days it's you, some days it's your person. Some days it doesn't get done and that's ok!
Let go of the fairy tale. Work with what's actually happening and your suffering will decrease. The fairy tale of marriage, perfect kids, and the perfect life is going to disappoint you. Ask yourself, What's your measuring stick? Is it your measuring stick or someone else's? You probably have a great fucking life sitting right in front of you. If you don't, I've got a class for that. The image of what you thought your life would or should be is keeping you from seeing and loving what you have right in front of you.
Bother People. If you need something, ask for it; it's up to the other person to tell you they can't help. If you don't ask for it, you definitely won't get it. If you're afraid that the other person won't show up for you, why not find out so you can know where you stand with that person? If they don't show up for you, there's someone out there who would be honored to.
If you don't remember any of these things, remember this: Your job isn't to become the best version of yourself but rather to let the worst parts of yourself be loved.
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